Reminiscence
by Rebirth-Dream
Summary: Yuki's POV and his memories, in Shuichi's absence.


Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or any of it's characters. Don't sue. I have no money.  
  
Author: Rebirth Dream  
Email: evanescent_dreams@hotmail.com  
Rating: PG  
  
Series: Gravitation  
Couple: Shindou Shuichi and Eiri Yuki  
Summary: Yuki's POV in Shuichi's absence  
  
Title: Reminiscence Of A Time Gone By  
  
++++  
  
I wasn't sure how long it had been since I first let that pink ball of energy into my life. Well, perhaps not let him, but simply that he had forced his way into every aspect of my existence that I had so carefully put together. My routine, my safety, mysilence had all been abruptly shattered that fateful day I happened upon his chicken scrawled lyrics.  
  
It was no sooner than a couple of days after I had infuriated him, and somehow attracted his attention, that Shuichi had decided to bombard into my apartment and make himself a part of me. The simplicity of the life in him drove me insane with confusion. i could never understand why he seemed to see the wonder in everything, when I could only see the darkness and underlying pain that would arise eventually. It was his determination, that finally broke away the first traces of my resistance. His determination, that made me kiss him in the elevator that first time.  
  
Maybe it was because I saw in him what I wish I could have had in myself. Maybe it was because by the time I had even began my teenage years, pain and self hatred had already dawned into my young mind, disabling trust and openness towards anybody who tried to get close to me. Where I was silent, only emitting a disruntled "hn" here and there, Shuichi seemed to suffer from what some might call verbal diorrhea. However much those around him willed for his mouth to close, he seemed to keep going on with whatever his childish mind decided it was infatuated with for the moment. For me, it was his band "Bad Luck", and for those associated with "Bad Luck", it was me.  
  
A long time ago, I would have called it severe immaturity.  
  
But beyond that now, I can see the underlying honesty and wisdom that I never had. The ability to look past the pain, the injustice, the darkness of man, to simply see what the heart desires to and to pursue it.  
  
Maybe it was that which drew me to him. It was that complete and utter dedication to whatever his heart had settled on, which at the time, was me, and the determination to hold it within his hands, that finally made me give in. That was how it all started.  
  
But I never told you that, did I, Shuichi? I was too bitter and wound up in my own hatred for all things to do with man and his lies, too caught up in my pride and determination to remain a proud and callous person to admit to you, that no matter how much I hated life, the only reason I could bear it, was you. Could you see through it though? At times, perhaps it was possible. I gave you hints, I tried to show you, as indirectly as possible, that I cared. Maybe they were just too subtle. Were they?  
  
This desperation inside me, it's so hard to understand why I need you so much. The nights have become empty, and sleep is only possible through pills. For a little while, you made me believe that life was not completely devoid of meaning. I think, maybe, I was born to have been yours. And maybe the pain was all there just so that I could appreciate your brilliance, your light. Fate is really fucked up.  
  
I can still remember when they first called me. Fujisaki-san was erratic on the phone, and I could barely understand a word he was saying. All I heard was your name, the word accident, and a mention of you being in hospital. It wasn't until I arrived at Tokyo Central Hospital that Hiro-kun told me what had actually happened. That you were all rehearsing, when one of the steel rafters broke. That it had swung down towards Hiro, that you had pushed him out of the way. And that you had let it knock you to the ground, break and proceeded to squeeze the life from your body.  
  
Broken ribs, heavy internal bleeding, dislocated spine and a fractured hip.  
  
What were you thinking of, when you were unconscious in that hospital room? Probably about Bad Luck's next album, right? Or what you were going to make for dinner. No matter what the situation was, you always cared more for other people than yourself! Why?! Maybe it's just the selfishness in me talking, but I would have rathered it Hiro than you! *YOU* with your liveliness, your talent, your love.  
  
Did you know I sat by you for 2 days in that hospital room? I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat. I just wanted to see you get up and complain to me how sore you were. I just wanted to see you wake up and kiss me good morning.  
  
The whole time I was with you, I kept thinking that you were going to jump out of bed and laugh at me. Tell me it was a joke to pay me back for all the 'mean' things I said to you. And then I'd call you a baka. For a moment through those two days, my wish did come true. And you woke. My Shuichi no baka gave me a pained smile that cracked my heart with the effort he put into it. Those beautiful lips that had oftly pressed themselves to mine parted and mouthed words I couldn't hear, but only feel.  
  
"I love you, Yuki. Even if you think I'm a baka."  
  
And that was the last time you ever opened your eyes. The last time you ever smiled at me. The last time you ever spoke to me. I didn't even get the chance to tell you that I loved you too, that you were the most important thing to me possible.  
  
The static beeping of the heart monitor slowed until it was just a constant pitch. I kissed you for the last time, and wept by your side, until the nurses told me to leave and covered your beautiful, paling body with the sheets.  
  
Sometimes now, before I fall asleep, I can almost hear his voice. That feminine but always enthusiastic voice which screamed my name at every chance it got. Maybe it's my memories trying to drive me insane. Typical. But I hear him, next to me, telling me not to be mean. Tells me to promise him I'll be nice to him. His warmth lying next to mine, and those thin, affectionate arms draping across my body. He tells me he loves me.  
  
And I always grunt and tell him he's an idiot.  
  
++++  
  
From The Author : It sucked yeah? This is a result of writing at 6AM in the morning after reading Gravi fics all night with no sleep. 


End file.
